Over a month since a post you say? Should stop being lazy you say? SHUT UP VOICES IN MY HEAD, I’M MY OWN MAN. Plus I’m going to write about beetles now.

7. Wasp beetle

It looks nothing like a wasp really does it? It’s obviously a beetle and no one is fooled, but I feel I should include it because I accidentally killed one once and I’m hoping this will stop the nightmares.
Clytus arietis
Photo from here
6. Badister Bullatus

It’s red and black, which is quite nice, but it’s here mainly because it’s name sounds like a Latin super villain.

Coleoptera: Badister bullatus
Photo from here

5. Rhinoceros beetle

It’s got a horn like a rhinoceros. I bet you don’t.
Horned Stag Beetle - Valsehjort (Chiron cylindricus), Juni 2009
Photo from here

4. Minotaur Beetle

Like above but twice as good.

minotaur

Photo from here

3. Glow Worm

Most things that are called worms but aren’t actually worms are awesome. Look at slow worms. They are blatently the best reptile. Do I need to explain why? Of course not.

Anyway the glow worm eats snail and glows. Cats do neither of those things, hence they are not on the list. Plus they aren’t beetles obviously. It also looks like roofing slates which have been brought to life by a mischeivous wizard
Lampyris noctiluca
Photo from here

2. Green Tiger Beetle

The only thing that could improve a green tiger beetle is the addition of a small gilded cane and a fur-lined cape.
Gnasher, Green Tiger Beetle, Cicindela campestris

Photo from here

1. Lesser stag beetle

I know what you are thinking. “WOAH WOAH WOAH, WHAT’S THIS LESSER STAG BEETLE NONSENSE?!?!?! iT AIN’T GOT BIG LIKE STAG BEETLE PLUS HORNS AND THAT”. Well, you sound like an idiot. Look at that sentence. It’s largely gibberish. Don’t you have a basic grasp of grammar?

Lesser stag beetle has made it onto the list because it’s actually around. They show up year after year, putting in the effort. Normal stag beetles just swan around london, eating soft cheese with tabloid celebrities, expecting everything on a silver platter. Did you know the number one cause of death for the European stag beetle is drowning in humous? Lesser stag beetles probably die properly, in mills and steel furnaces. Lesser stag beetles actually show up at your birthday party, while European stag beetle say they’ll come but send a text last minute saying that they found a dog in their shed and need to find it’s owner.
Lesser Stag Beetle, Farthing Downs
Photo from here

Next week – Top 6 british native reptiles.

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